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The Jack Tweed Prison Diaries

Actress, Singer, Dancer. Model, Fashion designer, Perfume Seller, Author, Socialite and Cellulite!

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smeggypants wrote::rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Tidy Channel Hopper. Hilarious read!!

Seeing as the other site wont alow us to take the piss outta weedy Tweed i thought sod it lets hold it here

I don't care how you look at me
Because I'm the one that you will see
We can make it work
We can make it right
Just give me half a minute & I'll tell you why
Rough Boy - ZZ Top

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Dear Mum,

Only a short note today and I write this from the corner of the prison library.

I found Bubba and Reamer writing new rules on the Twister cards, which are somewhat different from what I remember when I played it way back.

I notice they have cut one or two additional holes into my prison garments. Bubba also added arrows that point directly to these holes and some of the instructions seem to suggest that I will be playing an active part of the Twister board once Winston has cut the cake.

I have been searching in the prison archives for changes to the rules of the game, but found nothing. One of the screws has said that I ‘will be unable to sit down for a month after tonight’. I assume he has seen how good these two are at playing Twister, which makes me want to rise to the challenge even more. I might go to the gymnasium before lights out to limber up a bit.

Wish me luck

Your playful son, Jack

The best facial is a daily facial.

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Dear Mum,

I am scribbling this face down from a bed in the prison hospital.

I don’t quite know what happened yesterday, but I think might have won first prize in an all night dancing competition after being volunteered by my fellow inmates. Certainly the pointers are there.

The doctor told me after I woke up that I ‘must have been on the floor most of the night to get such a nasty set of injuries’, and the chart at the end of the bed states ‘multiple ruptures, symptomatic of being entered by several prisoners’.

Bubba and Reamer could have come joint first, but were disqualified after ‘ tangoing with three’. I think their now being in solitary confinement is somewhat harsh though.

About the last thing I remember is Big Nige opening a large packet of sherbert, (the dib-dabs were removed by the screws apparently, just in case they might be used for escape). Rather than use fingers though, the others thought it better to sniff it, egging me on to do the same. Nice of them to think about hygiene.

Winston said just as I felt rather odd that he could see to me getting 'a large stick of liquorice' later, for doing so well. Then a hazy recollection of the Twister mat going down on the floor.

And after all that I missed the birthday cake.

Your sore son, Jack

The best facial is a daily facial.

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Dear Mum,

Feeling better today, I’ve got some concerns though about two fellow prisoners in the same ward.

Last night I heard one of them conspiring to take some of my possessions.

One of them mentioned an interest in taking my ring while the other kept the watch.

You don’t know who you can trust in this place. Fortunately I have a great friend in Winston who has said I can count on him being right behind me as soon as I am out of the wards, and he is looking forward to a discharge as soon as possible.


Your recovering son, Jack

The best facial is a daily facial.

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Channel Hopper
very funny ..;)



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:rofl: :thumb:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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