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I tried to have sex with a Great White shark once, but lost my erection..

my leg, and half my arse.

:D :D

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:D :D

A mum finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her son's bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss. "What do you think we should do?" she asks.

Hubby Says "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

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smeggypants wrote::rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you." Cost me 6 stitches...but, When you’re 60 who cares?

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please." Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?” I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin’" When you’re 60 who cares?


I was talking to a young woman in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.” I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.” Cost me a fat lip, but... When you’re 60 ....who cares?

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts. "Really" she said, "Go on then... try." After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday." Cost me a kick in the nuts, but... When you’re 60 who cares?


I got caught taking a piss in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in. When you’re 60 who cares?


I went to our club house last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs." The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?" I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." Cost me 6 more stitches, but... When you’re 60...............who cares?


:rofl: :rofl:

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phild05 wrote:Image



:rofl:


:groan: :groan: :rofl: :rofl:

"Who does the washing? Who does the drying? No one, with this washer dryer" - Jim Bowen

I still need you there beside me
No matter what I do
For I know
I'll never find another you
- The Seekers

"Life is what happens to you when you're away making other plans" - John Lennon

"Names Gene Hunt, your DCI and its 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm havin' hoops!"

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How does an Eskimo build a house?

Igloo's it together.



:)

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I just found out I'm colour blind.


It came right out of the purple.



:)

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:rofl: :rofl:

:maddy: Image


Image

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:D :D :D :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

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A vast number of Americans can't see where they're going right now. Also, there's an eclipse.



:rofl:

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

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:D Nicked

The best facial is a daily facial.

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:D :D

I walked into a pub today with my dog. I sat at the bar and ordered a cider for myself and a bowl of water for my dog.

Before I could do anything, my dog jumped up and grabbed the hat of the man sitting next to me. My dog chewed it up.

The man next to me was angry and said he didn't like my attitude.

I said it wasn't my attitude it was his attitude.

:rofl:

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:maddy: Image


Image

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


I applied for a job at Citroen last week, for some reason I had to send in 2 CV's

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:rofl: :rofl:


my neighbour with the big tits is walking up and down the garden topless. ...I just wish his wife would do the same.

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:rofl:

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Image



:rofl:

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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Brilliant :rofl:



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phild05 wrote:Image



:rofl:


:groan: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

"Who does the washing? Who does the drying? No one, with this washer dryer" - Jim Bowen

I still need you there beside me
No matter what I do
For I know
I'll never find another you
- The Seekers

"Life is what happens to you when you're away making other plans" - John Lennon

"Names Gene Hunt, your DCI and its 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm havin' hoops!"

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