Smeggy's Forums

Forums where you CAN vent!

Skip to content

Post Your Best Fart Joke

The place for Jokes - You're 'aving a laugh - "He's 'aving a laugh!"

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

There was a young fellow from Sparta.
A really magnificent farter.
On the strength of one bean
He'd fart "God Save the Queen,"
And Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

THERE ARE NONE SO BLIND AS THOSE WHO WILL NOT SEE.
Image
LOOK AFTER OUR OWN FIRST

User avatar
Super Smegster
Posts: 3086
Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2009 6:44 pm
How Hot Are You?: A Nice English Summer's Day
Current Mood: Tetchy, Moving House

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

Ha ha, brill,major!!

Image

User avatar
Highway Star
Posts: 4835
Joined: Sun Nov 16, 2008 6:41 pm
Location: Copperhead Road.
How Hot Are You?: A Nice English Summer's Day
Current Mood: Rocking as usual!!!

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

Doctor: "What seems to be the problem today?" Patient: "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time," The Doctor nods, "Hmm." Patient: "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times." "Hmm," says the Doctor, as he picks up his pad and writes out a prescription. The patient is thrilled "Thank you Doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?" "No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses, it stinks like a fermented diaper in here. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

Image

User avatar
Highway Star
Posts: 4835
Joined: Sun Nov 16, 2008 6:41 pm
Location: Copperhead Road.
How Hot Are You?: A Nice English Summer's Day
Current Mood: Rocking as usual!!!

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

There was a young women from Horton
That had one long tit and a shorten
No only that.
A wacking great prat
And a fart like a 500 Norton.

:maddy: Image


Image

User avatar
Forum Slapper Lush
Posts: 35170
Joined: Sun May 25, 2008 9:53 pm
Location: East London with Just Dave now.
How Hot Are You?: Centre Of The Sun
Current Mood: Eff it.

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

Two flies on a lump of dogs shit,one fly farts the other one says ' do you mind I'm eating my dinner

:maddy: Image


Image

User avatar
Forum Slapper Lush
Posts: 35170
Joined: Sun May 25, 2008 9:53 pm
Location: East London with Just Dave now.
How Hot Are You?: Centre Of The Sun
Current Mood: Eff it.

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

Q. Why do farts smell


A. for the benefit of the deaf






Sorry, best I could do :oops:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

User avatar
Aliens Ate My Chicken!
Posts: 118316
Joined: Sat Dec 15, 2007 8:32 am
Location: Smegland
How Hot Are You?: The Big Bang!!
Current Mood: Won Tons Mons

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

Dolls wrote:There was a young women from Horton
That had one long tit and a shorten
No only that.
A wacking great prat
And a fart like a 500 Norton.



ooooooh Dollz.

THERE ARE NONE SO BLIND AS THOSE WHO WILL NOT SEE.
Image
LOOK AFTER OUR OWN FIRST

User avatar
Super Smegster
Posts: 3086
Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2009 6:44 pm
How Hot Are You?: A Nice English Summer's Day
Current Mood: Tetchy, Moving House

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

Major Starbold wrote:
Dolls wrote:There was a young women from Horton
That had one long tit and a shorten
No only that.
A wacking great prat
And a fart like a 500 Norton.



ooooooh Dollz.



WHAT ???? :hyenas: Can't a woman post a dirty joke?

:maddy: Image


Image

User avatar
Forum Slapper Lush
Posts: 35170
Joined: Sun May 25, 2008 9:53 pm
Location: East London with Just Dave now.
How Hot Are You?: Centre Of The Sun
Current Mood: Eff it.

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

Not a fart joke but...

Mary had a little lamb,
it ran into a pylon.
Nine Thousand volts went up it's arse,
and turned it's fleece to nylon.




T



User avatar
Smegster
Posts: 2944
Joined: Wed Dec 19, 2012 1:39 am
Location: Warrington, NW England
How Hot Are You?: Scorchio!
Current Mood: Slap in the face.

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

rshome123 wrote:Not a fart joke but...

Mary had a little lamb,
it ran into a pylon.
Nine Thousand volts went up it's arse,
and turned it's fleece to nylon.




T



:(

:maddy: Image


Image

User avatar
Forum Slapper Lush
Posts: 35170
Joined: Sun May 25, 2008 9:53 pm
Location: East London with Just Dave now.
How Hot Are You?: Centre Of The Sun
Current Mood: Eff it.

Top Forum Index Page New Posts

Posted on

      

You know it's got to be this



"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Ragout but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Sadly, Ragout did not survive the incident.

The best facial is a daily facial.

User avatar
Insane Poster
Posts: 23092
Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 6:40 pm
How Hot Are You?: Siberia
Current Mood: unknown


Share this Topic on Facebook:

Return to Jokes

Similar topics

  • Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post
    Top of Page

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests