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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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2 Irishmen working in a field, Paddy is digging holes, Mick is filling them in. After 9 holes a woman walking by asks, "Why are you digging a hole and the other lad is filling it in?" Paddy replies, "There's normally 3 of us, but the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick today."



:)

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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A farmer was sitting on the gate at the end of a field when a young lad came up and asked, ‘Are your animals happy?’
‘Yes of course they are happy’, he said.

The young lad said, ‘Can I ask them?’
‘Sure, young man. You can ask them.’ said the farmer, laughing to himself and thinking young lad had escaped from a mental institute.

The young lad went to the horse’s stable and said, ‘Hello horse. Are you treated well? Are you happy?
The horse replied, ‘Well young man; the farmer is very good. He feeds me well, my stable is warm and dry and if it rains I stay inside. Yes. I am very happy.’
The farmer can't believe his ears! He said, ‘Horse! Why haven't you ever spoken to me?’
The horse replied, ‘You've never spoken to me, either. It takes 2 to have a conversation’.

Then the lad says to the cows, ‘Hello cows. How does the farmer treat you? Are you happy?’
‘Thanks for asking.’ said the cows, ‘He treats us really well, as it happens. We’re milked when we’re full, the pasture is lovely, really good grass, and we get to go inside when it’s raining. The bull comes every year (we look forward to that!). We’re very happy, no complaints.’

The farmer says, ‘Hey, you cows! Why haven't you ever spoken to me before?’
The herd matriarch said, ‘Because you have never asked us anything. You just open gates for us, wash our udders, clamp the milk machine on and off you go. Never a word to us cows.’

The farmer was fuming, thinking about all the money he could have made from his talking animals, when suddenly he noticed the young lad was gone. So he went to look for him finally finding him in the meadow. The young lad said, ‘I'm confused, Mr Farmer. Where are the sheep?

‘They’re in the top field.’ said the farmer. ‘But it's a long walk, and you don't want to listen to them lying bastards anyway.’

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

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:rofl:

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:rofl: :rofl:
Two Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it.
Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave.
"R hey lad" they say, "gissa lift".
The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The Scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Scouse Eggs. The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.
He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.
"I've got a wagon here with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - two have already hatched and the bastards have managed to nick a motorbike already".

:maddy: Image


Image

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Absolutely devastated !!

A very sad day today.

After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients (they were good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves.
What a waste of time, effort, training and money.
A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet :eek: :rofl:



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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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A Short Poem

In Waitrose while buying some honey
A minister said he felt funny
He collapsed to the floor
With a pitiful roar
Crying "My God, I just spent my own money!"

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:D :D :D

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I'll never watch women's powerlifting again !!





I saw some truly hideous snatches.

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smeggypants wrote:I'll never watch women's powerlifting again !!

I saw some truly hideous snatches.



The men's isn't much better

Image :D

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Channel Hopper wrote:
smeggypants wrote:I'll never watch women's powerlifting again !!

I saw some truly hideous snatches.



The men's isn't much better

Image :D



Crumbs after a heavy night's session with the Prolapse Rent boys™

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Nobody would consider looking for Keith Vaz' stash up there, I hope.

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Channel Hopper wrote:Nobody would consider looking for Keith Vaz' stash up there, I hope.


that pic is probably Keith Vaz

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

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smeggypants wrote:I've just seen a TV for sale on Ebay, the listing said: 'TV for sale, £20, volume button is stuck on full.'

I thought 'I can't turn that down...'


:groan: :rofl: :rofl:

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No matter what I do
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"Names Gene Hunt, your DCI and its 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm havin' hoops!"

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:rofl: :rofl:

My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... she's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

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:rofl:

:maddy: Image


Image

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:rofl:

"Who does the washing? Who does the drying? No one, with this washer dryer" - Jim Bowen

I still need you there beside me
No matter what I do
For I know
I'll never find another you
- The Seekers

"Life is what happens to you when you're away making other plans" - John Lennon

"Names Gene Hunt, your DCI and its 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm havin' hoops!"

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Facebook Status: MILF fucking horse while midgets watch

Pornhub Search: I'm bored, gonna make some chips!

Oh Fuck.....

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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