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Love it :)

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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Racial Profiling :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


I was standing at the bar of Terminal 3 in the International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking.

I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?"

He says "No, why the hell would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"

"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little prick."

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl:

I told my wife that I heard a Chinese man sing Hero at karaoke tonight.

"The Mariah Carey song?" she asked.

"No, Lionel Richie."

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl:

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital. He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.

"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest.

"No" says one of the nurses. "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward."

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl:

If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue.

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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A guy walks into a restaurant and wants to eat squid. He calls the waiter
over, whose name is Yervaise, and says 'I want that squid there', pointing
at a little green squid with a hairy moustache on its top lip.
Yervaise says, 'but that's my favourite, I don't want to kill it, it's so
mild and friendly'. But the customer is insistent, so Yervaise goes over
to the tank, pulls out the squid and lays it on the worktop. He raises
a knife and is about to chop it up, but he can't. Yervaise goes back to
the customer, and says he can't kill it, but the customer still insists that he wants to eat it.
Yervaise has an idea, and says 'OK, I'll go and get Hans, our dishwasher,
he's a tough guy, he'll be able to kill it'. He goes and gets Hans, and
Hans takes the knife and is about to chop the squid up, when it looks up.
Hans sees its mild little face and its hairy lip and he can't kill it
either, so they both go and tell the customer that they're really sorry
and he can't eat it.
The moral of the story?... ..

Hans that does dishes is as soft as Yervaise with mild green hairy lip squid.



:rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: awwwww

:maddy: Image


Image

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Oldie but goldie. :)

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl: :rofl: :groan:

"Who does the washing? Who does the drying? No one, with this washer dryer" - Jim Bowen

I still need you there beside me
No matter what I do
For I know
I'll never find another you
- The Seekers

"Life is what happens to you when you're away making other plans" - John Lennon

"Names Gene Hunt, your DCI and its 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm havin' hoops!"

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Weight Loss Program
A guy calls a company and orders
their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss
program.

The next day, there's a knock on
the door and there stands before
him a voluptuous, athletic, 19
year old babe dressed in nothing
but a pair of Nike running shoes
and a sign around her neck..
She introduces herself as a
representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, "If you
can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he
takes off after her. A few miles
later puffing and puffing, he
finally gives up.

The same girl
shows up for the next four days
and the same thing happens. On
the fifth day, he weighs himself
and is delighted to find he has
lost 5lbs as promised.


He calls the company and orders
their 5-day/10lbs program. The
next day there's a knock at the
door and there stands the most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman
he has ever seen in his life. She is
wearing nothing but Reebok
running shoes and a sign around
her neck that reads, "If you catch
me you can have me".


Well, he's out the door after her
like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and he does his best, but
no such luck. So for the next four
days, the same routine happens
with him gradually getting in
better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth
day when he weighs himself, he
discovers that he has lost
another 10lbs as promised. He
decides to go for broke and calls
the company to order the 7-
day/25 lbs program.
"Are you sure?" asks the
representative on the phone.
"This is our most rigorous
program." "Absolutely," he
replies, "I haven't felt this good in
years."


The next day there's a knock at
the door; and when he opens it
he finds a huge muscular guy
standing there wearing nothing
but pink running shoes and a
sign around his neck that reads,
"If I catch you, you are mine."
He lost 33 lbs that week..

:D :D :D :D

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:)

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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:D

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he went to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.

They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business!

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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Heard about the Irish showjumper?Broke his nose running against the clock. :rofl:

:maddy: Image


Image

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:groan: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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I bought a dog from an Ironmonger. When I got it home the first thing It did was make a bolt for the door.

:rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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I had an Irish hound that would have a shit and Bury himself



:)

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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I used my tesco card to clear the ice from my windscreen and only got 10% off.



:D

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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Grand Master
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Apparently they are not making shortbread any longer...

:)

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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Grand Master
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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Aliens Ate My Chicken!
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