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The place for Jokes - You're 'aving a laugh - "He's 'aving a laugh!"

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Image



:)

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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:rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl: :rofl:

GIRLFRIEND: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective, We should split up

ME: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I was bored and decided to update my signature but i couldnt think of anything to put, so i decided to just put Bollocks!

Irritating the humorless since 1973

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Image



:)

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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Grand Master
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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Aliens Ate My Chicken!
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Image



:)

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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Grand Master
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:rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl:

Having that one.

The best facial is a daily facial.

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Yup, nicked :)

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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I went out to dinner last night and when the waitress came out to take our order I noticed that she kept scratching her arse. "Do you have hemorrhoids?"I asked her. "Only what you see on the menu" she replied!



I had to pay a visit to the doctors for a prostrate examination, during which time I kept thinking "don't get an erection, don't get an erection "
He bloody well did though



I had problems with septic piles last year and after a few weeks of arse scratching decided to go to the doctors. After a thorough examination he prescribed some fearsome looking capsules that he instructed to place 1 a day up my back passage. I dutifully did this every morning but the milkman kept treading on them, for all the good they did I might as well have shoved them up my arse!



:rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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:rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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Dave stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says: "Are you on foot or in the car?"
Dave replies: "In the car."
"Well that'll be the quickest way," says Paddy.

The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir?" she asked.
The man replied, "I want to see Suzy."
"Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

He replied, "No, I must see Suzy."
Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged £500 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten £50 notes and gave them to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy.
Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
"There are no discounts.The price is still £500."

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.

After their session, Suzy said to the man,
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The man replied, " Edinburgh."
"Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh."
"I know." the man said.. "Your sister died, and I am her lawyer. She asked me to give you your £1500 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer.

:maddy: Image


Image

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl: :rofl:

I've been caught sabotaging ski slopes with household cleaning agents. I'm being charged with a bleach of the piste.

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl: :rofl:

Passed an RAC van at the lights earlier. When I looked over I saw the driver was crying. I think he was heading for a breakdown.

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl:

:maddy: Image


Image

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:rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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Grand Master
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ME: (Shouting out window): Why don't you grow up, you little bastards!
GIRLFRIEND: What's up?
ME: Nothing... I'm just talking to the plants...

"Who does the washing? Who does the drying? No one, with this washer dryer" - Jim Bowen

I still need you there beside me
No matter what I do
For I know
I'll never find another you
- The Seekers

"Life is what happens to you when you're away making other plans" - John Lennon

"Names Gene Hunt, your DCI and its 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm havin' hoops!"

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