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grimtales1 wrote:Found this elsewhere:

I won an Elvis themed competition once and had a choice of a cash prize or tickets to a tribute concert. Had to ring up to claim and got a recorded message. It was 1 for the money, 2 for the show.....


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

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"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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The best facial is a daily facial.

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Won't play for some reason

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Image



:)

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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Image



:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:maddy: Image


Image

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For our honeymoon I got a map of the world, gave my wife a dart, and said we'd go wherever the dart lands!

I'm happy to announce in August we're going to spend a lovely 2 weeks by the fucking skirting board!



:rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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:howl:



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phild05 wrote:For our honeymoon I got a map of the world, gave my wife a dart, and said we'd go wherever the dart lands!

I'm happy to announce in August we're going to spend a lovely 2 weeks by the fucking skirting board!



:rofl:



:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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Woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" The husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked. The headaches are all gone."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Damn! That was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
His funeral service will be held on Saturday.

:maddy: Image


Image

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:rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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Image



:rofl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:maddy: Image


Image

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Image



:howl:

Planets and Atmospheres: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter4
The Dome of Clement: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter2#
Minimal Cheese available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/philter
Website: http://www.philter.org

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Love Gary Larson :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

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In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."
"Correct." The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who's the father!"
The boss collapsed...

:maddy: Image


Image

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Dolls wrote:In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass. "It's red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels."
"Correct." The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don't give me the job, I'll also tell who's the father!"
The boss collapsed...



:howl: :howl: :howl:

Brilliant!!

-----|0| None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. |0|-----

"Capitalism profits from War - Humanity profits from Peace."

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