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FAWLTY TOWERS

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PMSL How great keep em coming, :thumb: :rofl: :rofl:



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Basil: 'Hello?Hello? Am I invisable?? Sybil...? Can you see me?'
Sybil: 'No'
Basil: Brilliant! I'll go have a lie down.... No I won't I'll go hit some guests!!'
***********************************************************************************
Basil: Would you like to eat now, or would you like a drink before the war - NING that tresspasers will be tied up with piano wire SORRY SORRY Bit of shrapnal in the old leg from the war...KOREAN KOREAN!! MMMMM?
*********************************************************************************

I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot.

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I love the Psychiatrists!! and Basil trying to stop the young guy having sex.

They catch Basil shouting "The game's up!!" at the young guys door and he turned round and says "Ahhh bit of game pie got stuck"and tries to wipe a bit og imaginary game pie from teh wall above the door. Classic.

Then later basil is completely humiliated when the guys grandma actually exists he collapses into a bent down hopping motion with his head in hands, the Psychiatrists return from their night out see him and the hubby says "There's enough there for a while conference."

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Basil...'Ohhhh...so that bit of crumpet.... in there is your old mother is it...? Bring her out I must say hello? Mother....Mother....do come out and ...HELLO I',M BASIL FAWLTY HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING YOUR STAY!!

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Quotes aside, I think The Kipper and The Corpse stands out as the best, and not only for the cat throwing up.

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The Kipper and The Corpse was brilliant.

"..... Except the sausages. I'll have those!"

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PMSL When Basil stuck the kipper up his jumper and you could see the tail poking out. :rofl:



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Quite honestly he showed himself to be what he was in the episode. A Loon!! :hubba:

I ahve to say though...its GENIUS!

I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot.

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smeggypants wrote:says it all!!

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LektroiD wrote:
smeggypants wrote:says it all!!

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One of those hotlink tight asses :)

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Basil with his *headband on* :rofl:

*Dont mention the war I did but I think I got away with it.*... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:



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"i'm going to insert this garden gnome into Mr Oreilly adn then I'm goign to Canada!"

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: OMG You dont realise do you how many gems of comedy....PMSL :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:



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Quotes



Fawlty Towers: Communication Problems (#2.1)" (1979)
[Basil is mouthing words to Mrs. Richards, so she is forced to turn up her hearing aid as high as it will go]
Sybil Fawlty: [quietly] Basil, don't!
[Basil is still mouthing words]
Sybil Fawlty: [shouting] Basil!
Basil Fawlty: [at full volume now, right into Mrs. Richards' face] I SAID...!
Mrs. Richards: [jumps back with a shock, hitting her head on the shelf] Oh!
Sybil Fawlty: [she elbows Basil] Did you bang your head?
Mrs. Richards: Yes, yes!
Sybil Fawlty: Oh dear, let me have a look.
Basil Fawlty: You'd better go and lie down before something else happens.
Sybil Fawlty: Shut up, Basil!
Mrs. Richards: Why don't you call the police?
Sybil Fawlty: We will, the moment we've searched the rooms.
Mrs. Richards: My money's been taken!
[she exits]
Sybil Fawlty: Yes, yes, I know. Try not to speak.
Basil Fawlty: [picking up a particle] Is this a piece of your brain?
Sybil Fawlty: [kicks Basil in the shin; he sinks into chair] Shut up, Basil.
[to Mrs. Richards]
Sybil Fawlty: Take my arm.
Mrs. Richards: I don't need your arm, thank you. I can get down the stairs perfectly all right by myself.
Basil Fawlty: Down the stairs? Well, don't stop when you get to the basement. Keep straight on... give my regards to the earth's core! And if you give us any more trouble, I shall visit you in the small hours and put a bat up your nightdress
.
Sybil Fawlty: Basil!
Basil Fawlty: Well, that was fun, wasn't it dear? It's nice to share a moment like that, it's what marriage is all about. I know - I read it on the back of a matchbox.
Sybil Fawlty: [annoyed] Basil, sometimes...
Basil Fawlty: Listen, Sybil, do you remember when we were first amicable together? We used to laugh quite a lot.
[tries to put his arm around her]
Sybil Fawlty: [she pushes it off and exits] Yes, but not at the same time, Basil.
Basil Fawlty: Yes, you're right - I should have spotted that, shouldn't I?
[to himself]
Basil Fawlty: Zoom! What was that? That was your life, Mate! That was quick, do I get another? Sorry, Mate. Back to the world of dreams. Yes, dear?

Major Gowen: Have you the flutter, Fawlty?
Basil Fawlty: No, no, no.
Sybil Fawlty: No, Basil doesn't bet on the horses anymore, do you, dear?
Basil Fawlty: No, I don't, no. That particular avenue of pleasure has been closed off.
Sybil Fawlty: And we don't want it opened up again, do we Basil?
Basil Fawlty: No YOU don't, dear.

Sybil Fawlty: If I find out the money on that horse was yours, you know what I'll do, Basil.
Basil Fawlty: You'll have to sew 'em back on first.

Sybil Fawlty: You're looking very happy Basil.
Basil Fawlty: Happy? Ah yes, I remember that.

Sybil Fawlty: You know what I'll do if I find out that money is yours?
Basil Fawlty: [calling after her] You'd have to sew 'em back on first.

Sybil Fawlty: [to a customer who has just given Basil a tip for a horse race] Basil doesn't bet on the horses anymore,
[to Basil]
Sybil Fawlty: Do you?
Basil Fawlty: No, that particular avenue of pleasure has been closed off.
Sybil Fawlty: And we don't want it opened up again, do we?
Basil Fawlty: No, you don't dear.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fawlty Towers: Basil the Rat (#2.6)" (1979)
Sybil Fawlty: [about Manuel's rat] Perhaps it would be best to have it put to S-L-E-E-P.
Basil Fawlty: Who, him or the rat? Might get a discount if we have them both done.
Manuel: 'Spleep'?

Sybil Fawlty: [Sybil suggests a way to get rid of Manuel's rat] Perhaps it would be simplest to have him put to S-L-E-E-P.
Basil Fawlty: Who? Him or the rat? I could get a discount if we get them both done.
Manuel: [suspiciously] Spleep?

Basil Fawlty: Manuel... my wife informs me that you're... depressed. Let me tell you something. Depression is a very bad thing. It's like a virus. If you don't stamp on it, it spreads throughout the mind, and then one day you wake up in the morning and you... you can't face life any more!
Sybil Fawlty: And then you open a hotel.

[the health inspector, Mr. Carnegie is visiting and there is a rat loose in the hotel]
Manuel: Major try to kill Basil!
[Manuels rat is also called Basil]
Sybil Fawlty: Tried to kill BASIL ?
Manuel: No, not Mr. Fawlty, Basil my little...
[Manuel is about to say 'Rat' in front of the health inspector]
Polly: [suddenly] RATATOUILLE!
Mr. Carnegie: Basil the little... what?
Polly: Ratatouille; the chef calls the ratatouille 'Basil', because he puts quite a lot of basil in it.
Manuel: He put Basil in Ratatouille?
Polly: Yes!
Manuel: ARGGGHHHHHHHH!
[Manuel runs off to the kitchen screaming]
Sybil Fawlty: [to Mr. Carnegie] He's from Barcelona.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fawlty Towers: The Psychiatrist (#2.2)" (1979)
Sybil Fawlty: Oh, and Basil, one more thing: If you're going to grope a girl, have the gallantry to stay in the room with her while you're doing it.

Sybil Fawlty: Do you really believe in your wildest dreams that a girl like this could possibly be interested in an aging, Brilliantine, stick-insect like yourself?

Sybil Fawlty: It's a relatively new profession, psychiatry, isn't it?
Mrs. Abbott: Well, Freud started about 1880.
Sybil Fawlty: Yes, but it's only now that we're seeing them on the television.

Sybil Fawlty: Good evening, Mr. Johnson!
Mr. Johnson: Evening! Any messages?
Polly: Um, three, I think.
Sybil Fawlty: Three! Everybody wants you, don't they?
Mr. Johnson: [chuckles] I wouldn't say that.
Sybil Fawlty: Ah, well, you're only single once.
Basil Fawlty: [calling from office] Twice can be arranged.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fawlty Towers: The Hotel Inspectors (#1.4)" (1975)
Basil Fawlty: Where are the pens?
Sybil Fawlty: They're in that box. It says "pens" quite clearly.
Basil Fawlty: Looks more like "Ben's."
Sybil Fawlty: Well when Ben comes, you can give it to him.

Sybil Fawlty: Don't shout at me, I've had a difficult morning.
Basil Fawlty: Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?

Basil Fawlty: I would find it easier to cope with some of the cretins who come here, my little nest of vipers, if I had a smidgen of cooperation from you.
Sybil Fawlty: Cooperation? That's a laugh. The day you cooperate you'll be in a wooden box, I've never heard such rudeness.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fawlty Towers: Gourmet Night (#1.5)" (1975)
Basil Fawlty: [Frantically typing at a typewriter] He's out! He's flat out! So André's, uh...
Sybil Fawlty: Who is?
Basil Fawlty: What!
Sybil Fawlty: Who ls out?
Basil Fawlty: Kurt! Who do you think, Henry Kissinger?
Sybil Fawlty: What do you mean 'Out'?
Basil Fawlty: He's *Drunk*!
Sybil Fawlty: Drunk?
Basil Fawlty: Drunk! Soused! Potted! Inebriated! Got it?
Sybil Fawlty: I don't believe it.
Basil Fawlty: [Still typing frantically] Neither do I. Perhaps it's a dream.
[Smacks his head three times on desk]
Basil Fawlty: No, it's not a dream; we're stuck with it. Right!

Sybil Fawlty: Are you still here Basil?
Basil Fawlty: No, I went a few minutes ago dear, but I expect I'll be back shortly.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fawlty Towers: Waldorf Salad (#2.3)" (1979)
Mrs. Hamilton: How long have you been married?
Sybil Fawlty: Oh, since 1485.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fawlty Towers: The Germans (#1.6)" (1975)
[Sybil has asked Basil to get her blue bed-top from the drawers. He picks up a pink top]
Basil Fawlty: This one?
Sybil Fawlty: Is it blue?
Basil Fawlty: Well it's got blue things on it.
Sybil Fawlty: They're flowers, and I didn't ask for the one with the flowers, did I?
Basil Fawlty: No, no, you didn't dear, quite right. No, I just picked that one up to annoy you, actually.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fawlty Towers: The Wedding Party (#1.3)" (1975)
Basil Fawlty: How's Audrey?
Sybil Fawlty: She's in a terrible state.
Basil Fawlty: Ah, good, good.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fawlty Towers: The Builders (#1.2)" (1975)
Sybil Fawlty: [to Mr. O'Reilly, exasperated] I've seen more intelligent creatures than you swimming at the bottom of ponds! I've seen better organised creatures than you running 'round farm yards with their heads cut off!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fawlty Towers: A Touch of Class (#1.1)" (1975)
Sybil Fawlty: [Basil has been listening to classical music in the office instead of typing the lunch menu] You could have had both of them finished by now if you hadn't spent the whole morning in there skulking and listening to that racket.
Basil Fawlty: "Racket?" That's *Brahms*!Brahms's third racket!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fawlty Towers: The Kipper and the Corpse (#2.4)" (1979)
Dr. Price: I don't understand. He's been dead for about ten hours.
Basil Fawlty: Yes, it's so final, isn't it?
Sybil Fawlty: Basil!
Basil Fawlty: Well wouldn't you say it was final dear? I'd say it was pretty *bloody* final...
Dr. Price: Do you mean to tell me you didn't realize this man was dead?
Basil Fawlty: People don't talk that much in the morning... Well look, I'm just delivering a tray, right? If the guest isn't singing "Oh What A Beautiful Morning," I don't immediately think, "Oh there's another snuffed it in the night." Another name in the Fawlty Towers Book of Remembrance. I mean this is a hotel, not the Burma Railway. I mean it does actually say "Hotel" outside, you know. Perhaps I should be more specific. What about "Hotel for people who have a better than fifty percent chance of making it through the night"?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



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^^^^ Some bloody crackers there....PMSL :rofl:



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Slightly off topic, but John Cleese related. I just ordered 'Clockwise' and 'How to Irritate People', the latter of the two landed today, and raised a good chortle! :D


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Clockwise is superb!!!

I believe Alison Steadman who now plays Gavin's mum in Gavin and Stacey was the girl he went to Norwich with.

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